Explorer ST Teaser Looks Like a Villain That Forgot It Hauls Orange Slices

It looks angry, ambitious for a Cross-Over that will spend its life on produce runs, hauling backpacks, and in elementary school pick-up lines.

The Explorer ST teaser image Ford posted wants to be read like a threat. They buried the nose in black shadow, soaked the background in red light, and left the amber lamps glowing like the vehicle just finished beating someones ass. However, Houston we have problem - and its simple. This is still a Ford Explorer. It is still a grocery getter with performance cosplay. It is still a school run machine that found a smoke machine and started taking itself far too seriously.

The image is undeniably dramatic. The front end is almost fully swallowed by darkness. The red ST badge glows in the grille like it desperately wants to be taken seriously. The wet pavement reflects the red wash and gives the whole scene the look of a very expensive overreaction. Ford clearly wants this Ford Explorer ST variant to feel predatory. What it actually feels like is a suburban utility vehicle wearing black pleather two sizes too small.

Colin De Snack said "Ford photographed this thing like it owns the night, then you remember it probably owns a reusable grocery bag and a half empty soccer cooler." Lance Cupholder squinted at the grille and said "This is what happens when a minivan joins a Planet Fitness."

That's why the teaser is so funny. It is trying sooo hard. It is selling aggression, tension, heat, posture, and attitude for a machine that will mostly be used to idle outside schools, sit in CVS pharmacy drive-through lanes, and carry snacks rotten enough to stain the seats for a lease turn-in insurance claim. Even if the Ford Explorer ST is quick, it still has the soul of a suburban appliance. So, did Ford just put that appliance under villain lighting and hope nobody would noticed?

Stu Pidfast, who appears spiritually bonded to every ST badge ever created, summed it up best when he said "Nobody asked for the Ford Explorer ST to look this hard, which is exactly why the teaser feels like a dare from a marketing team that lost a bet."

Still, there is a certain shameless brilliance in that. The image commits to the bit so completely that you almost forget what you are looking at. Almost. If Ford wanted shock and awe, Yer Bummin, Skip.

Nick "Car Sick" Cavanaugh | Editorial Dictator The Fender Bender Garage